Desecrated

So that dodgy thrush hangs about for a few days, resting in peace in the tranquillity of a cemetery, recovering after an epic escape from a cage in Belgium... then the thugs clad in green, brandishing tools of voyeurism, descend onto its sanctuary, chasing it around, throwing slices of Hovis at it, making weird whistling noises in an attempt to seduce it out of the trees and using them stupid fuck off cameras that rattle like a Gatling gun...
Is it there today?? No?! Well that's a surprise...
 

NEED?!!! Nah, it's just a bird!

So, it was Friday evening, pretty late on, just after eleven I reckon. My cousin & his missus were round at ours and we'd devoured close to three bottles of Vino Tinto, half a bottle of Malibu & some lager. We were getting all merry and chatting bollocks when in the background I thought I heard that irritatingly exciting whine of  'THE MEGA ALERT'... I ignored it and carried on slurping. Then my phone started going off. I recall thinking 'Shit, there must be something fucking big cracking off... now does my goblet need a refill??'.
Fifteen minutes later (I think) I staggered  strolled into my bedroom, dug into my work bag, retrieved my pager, glanced at something about a thrush and lobbed it into the kitchen. I then checked my phone and saw the missed call was from Archer and thought 'Oh well, if it's important, he'll ring again'. He didn't so I carried on getting nuked.
When our company finally pissed off, some time after midnight, I fired up my laptop and learnt, via Facebook, that there was indeed a thrush knocking about. A pretty rare thrush in fact. In an inebriated panic, I quickly updated my Facebook status, informing all & sundry that I was not interested in this thrush and not to contact me regarding going for it and then I did some sleeping.
Yep, that's how pissed I was!

I was awoken the following morning (this morning) by my wife shaking my dozy head and screaming ''STEVIE! GO AND TURN THAT FUCKING PAGER OFF!!!'' - It appeared that in my haste to carry on onto another planet the night before, I'd not fingered the correct button on the pager and when the news was blurted out at c6am stating that the Dusky Thrush was still alive in the graveyard, the cuntingly ridiculous 'Mega Alert' decided to start sounding again.
I clambered out of bed and with my drunken digits, molested the pager and made some coffee.
Right then, Dusky Thrush eh? In Kent! I best sober up and sort something out. Get my gear packed, wap some clothes on and head south east.
Ya see, that's what any bog standard fucked in the head birder would have done I guess. Most birders will tell you that they 'NEED' Dusky Thrush (well most won't now but pretend this was before they saw it). NEED! NEED, off of like, one NEEDS to breathe, one NEEDS to drink water, one NEEDS to eat food....  One NEEDS to see a Dusky(?) Thrush? Nah! What a load of old twollop. No cunt NEEDS to see a bird. They may WANT to see it and REQUIRE to see it so that they can 'tick it off' their silly lists but no fucker NEEDS to see a bird, that is unless some twat has got some weird medical issue where seeing a Dusky Thrush might just save their diminishing eyesight or mend their faulty kidney or summat.
I booted up the laptop and logged in to Facebook and didn't enjoy reading a load of tosh regarding 'the' bird. Was I envious? Well, yeah, maybe, just a little. I'd have enjoyed being down there with all those other cranks but Dusky Thrush ain't a bird I fancy. It does nothing for me. It's just a wishy washy Redwing in my eyes. Nowadays, I don't go for birds cos I 'NEED' them for 'my list' - I'll only travel for shit that I would love to see in the flesh such as Wallcreeper (such a cliché, I know), Yellow Browed Bunting, Sibe Accentor etc.
I know a load of folk who went and saw it and they must be all happy & stuff now, eagerly updating Bubo and posting pics of the creature they travelled all that way to stare at. What a joy it must have been spanking it down to Kent in order to mooch around in a cemetery with a load of other sad cases, all bedecked in various shades of green whilst a fucking humdinger of a bird porned it before their eyes silly little HYBRID bird pecked around in some trees.

Ya see, I ain't jealous, I had better things to do... I stayed at home, drank coffee, smoked fags, watched football focus, checked out images of hybrid Naumann's/Dusky Thrush and finished off my kitchen.

Before (around February time)

And after (about 3pm'ish time today).

Resurrection

As I sit here on this cliff top, c800ft above the azure Atlantic, the sun causing my hairless head to sizzle and Alpine & Pallid Swifts whizzing around just feet above me, it's heartbreaking to know that in just 24 small hours I'll be back in the shithole that is Britain...

That is what I  (should have) thought about typing only a week ago whilst I was perched upon some craggy rocks on the south coast of Portugal and I would have done if I had taken this laptop with me & had one of them snazzy dongle things that allow you to get online anywhere AND if I had any inclination whilst I was there to carry on with this blog thing..... Ya see, earlier today whilst out in a restaurant celebrating the wife's mother having her appendix out, I saw a sign on the wall that read 'Don't be a selfish dog, create a Blog' - Now I'm unsure what it meant cos I was too lazy to wander over to the other side of the room to read the small print, and I'm not even that sure I read it correctly now I think about it, but what I thought it read made me think about starting a blog. YES, I'll start one of them birding blogs that other folk do and scribe bags & bags of bollocks about the shitty birds I & the rest of the country have seen. I'll type an essay about who went & how we got there and who we saw and what we ate and what the weather was like and the other birds we saw and generally bore the eyes out of any sad twat who chooses to read it!!! YES!!!!!

And then I realised.... I've already got one!

Yep, this is it, my blog. The Web Log, where I'm supposed to post all manner of bullshit about what happens in my life. But why do I need it? I've already got a Facebook account where I post absolute bollocks on a daily basis, insulting folk & generally being a cunt (mainly after consuming some wine). Surely my thoughts & ramblings are better off on there being read by my chosen audience instead of on an open 'Blog' where any Tom, Dick & Barry can read it?

 *I got abit stuck what to put next so this 5 minute interval is when I went to open some Vino Tinto & have a smoke while I thought about how to carry this on - Please be patient*

So, this Blog. My last post on here was back in December 2012 when I left you all hanging on by not concluding my Cuba trip report. Well if you're one of the 500,000 that read my blog and are desperately awaiting the conclusion then wait no more!!!! No, I mean that, stop waiting. Stop! Now! It's not gonna happen! I'm not doing it. I really can't be arsed.
What? You really want to know what happened in them last few days? REALLY???? Ok, perhaps I might do one short post to conclude that particular tale, in a couple of weeks though, ok? Don't get excited though. It'll be concise and to the point, just for YOU! Ok, and you. And you.

Right then, where were we......
                      Ahhhh, 2013, what have we been up to............

Cuba 2012 - Part three

So, when we left it last time, I concluded by announcing that our wedding guests had arrived. These consisted of a small handful of my wife-to-be's close family friends and my best man Mike Feely. Due to their late afternoon arrival, the only correct thing to do was to give MF a brief tour of the complex, visit the beach to look at some sand and the sea and then get tipsy on rum & other delightful alcoholic beverages (all free of course!).

Caribbean brotherly love.

Feely discovers he has crabs...

The next day, 28th April, dawned wet & grey so MF & myself headed for the Eco-Marsh for a spot of pre-breakfast spotting. In a tight 50 minute window we managed to connect with the following species - Tri-coloured Heron, Cattle Egret, Snowy Egret, Great White Egret, Green Heron, Little Blue Heron, Cuban Emerald, 3 Yellow Warblers, 3 Smooth Billed Anis, 2 Spotted Sands, 2 Lesser Yellowlegs, Clapper Rail, Cape May Warbler and some Antillean Nighthawks.

Yellow Warbler

Clapper Rail

Cuban Emerald

After breakfast and with the inclement weather moving out to sea, we headed for an area of different habitat just NW of the resort but still within sight of the  beach bar. This habitat consists of thick scrub, almost mangrove like but without the boggy understorey. Again, it appeared that the preceding shitty weather had dumped an whole plethora of gems. It was here that we experienced the highlight of the trip (birding wise). In just over an hour of easy laid back birding, in a relatively tiny area, we were smothered in yanks. The list reads - 3 Cape May Warblers, 6 female & four male Yank Redstarts, Common Yellowthroat, 2 male Blackpolls, 6 Parulas, 2 Black & White Warblers & a Western Spindalis. At one point, MF announced ''Why isn't there an Ovenbird sat on them branches over there?'' - Within minutes, there was!

Feely watching Yank Redstarts

Cape May Warbler

Mid afternoon was spent catching some rays on the beach and sipping far too many ice cold rum cocktails (this became a recurring theme naturally).

Magnum

The 29th kinda followed the same pattern with birding around the 'Scrubby Area' in the morning and drinking & perving around the pool in the afternoon. Highlights from the morning however included a fucking corking male Black-throated Blue Warbler, 15 Yank Redstarts (7 males), 5 Parulas, Blackpoll & a Cuban Pewee! The afternoons highlights included some rather skimpy bikinis, 15 Turkey Vultures kettling over the pool and an Anhinga bombing overhead and out to sea.

Yank Redstart

Some Turkey Vultures

The 30th (two days til the beach wedding) once again dawned wet (very wet) but warm. From what I recall, I didn't go out birding in the morning (I think Mike might have done tho). Instead I lazed around in the lobby, drinking rum, playing pool and enjoying not doing much. Just after midday, due to a break in the weather, we met at a restaurant for some grub. This was a very brief gathering though as a proper mental tropical storm swept in and caused us to dash back to our apartment. During a 90 minute spell from 2pm, I witnessed rain and thunder & lightening like I have never experienced before. Stood on the balcony, squinting thru sheets of torrential rain at bolts of lightening hitting the ground only a few hundred yard away whilst having ones ears demolished by the monstrous sound of thunder directly above was pretty exhilarating yet terrifying too!

Before the rain came...

Back at the apartment - wet.

We named this 'Tropical Storm Wank Bastard!'

During this time, a flock of 6 'Yellowleg Sp' flew over to the south, a Zenaida Dove dodged the lightening and an amazing spectacle of over 16 Antillean Nighthawks; normally a crepuscular species, these creatures were swarming around above us in the middle of the afternoon taking advantage of the insects that were being pushed down by the rain! Stunning!

So, with less than 48hrs to go til the ceremony and no sign of a break in the constant precipitation (and now most of the complex flooded), we were becoming increasingly concerned. Would our dream of a gorgeous caribbean beach wedding become a wet nightmare...

To be continued.

August & September.

Well nothing to report from August I don' think so that's that month out the way.
September - The first new addition to my UK list this autumn came on the 8th when at Lodmoor in Dorset, the juv Short Billed Dowitcher was spied. A Monarch Flutterby was also witnessed, stomping around on some flowering bush at Portland.

Azorean Photo shoot...

The 15th saw me, Archer, Snapper, Smythers & ShakerMaker down saaaff. We were at Rainham Marshes in London, locked in a box that overlooked some reeds and would not be allowed to leave until we saw our target. Thankfully, after 6.5hrs of waiting, the juv Baillons Crake eventually decided to creep about on show for c25 seconds. Nice. The highlight of the trip however was a stunning Lancaster Bomber that did a bit of a fly-by as we were casually traipsing aroud the reserve.

Some folk just ain't got the staying power!

Snapper celebrates the Baillons with a fat sandwich.

Da Bomb!

 

Smythers, I, Snapper & Archer

The final episode for September involved a day out at Spurn on the 23rd. Despite a decent fall of migrants the previous day and the weather looking good for more of the same, it was actually piss poor. The only bits of slight interest were a Yellow-browed Wblr, Redstart and an adult Long-tailed Skua. Shite!

Birdwatcherwatching

Cuba 2012 - Part two

So, we'd arrived.
After the usual nonsense regarding booking in to the resort, sorting luggage and a rather lengthy mooch about waiting for a new room to be allocated to us (the one we had last year and had requested was now not available) we were eventually transported to our accommodation around 7pm. Unlike last year, we were given a first floor apartment and has returning guests, who were getting married, a bottle of champers & a cool bottle of Havana Club rum! After having a quick snoop around the room, I strode on to the balcony to overlook my empire for two weeks. Sadly, we were not situated on the edge of the resort, instead we were about 200 yards away from the surrounding habitat with a layer of apartments between us and the scrub.

The view from the balcony on that first night. The closest tree on the right held a surprise...

Leaving the wife-to-be to unpack the gear, I popped open the bottle of champagne and had half an hours posh birding. My notebook claims I saw Greater Antillean Grackle, Cuban Blackbird, House Sparrow, Turkey Vulture, Yellow faced Grassquit, Cuban Emerald, Northern Mockingbird, Red-legged Thrush, Gray Kingbird and a strange blob in that tree! Thru bins I knew what it was so I wapped the scope on it and Ka-Boom! Now although I'd seen loads of Antillean Nighthawks last year, I'd not seen one like this -

This creature roosted on the same bit of branch daily for the duration of our stay. A second bird was also discovered roosting in another tree to the right of this.


Start 'um young eh! A young Nighthawk spotter!

Our first full day (26th) dawned hot and humid. Heavy rain and thick cloud wasn't exactly Caribbean but the birds definitely were. As well as the stuff seen on the first night, additions in the morning included Western Spindalis (Stripe-headed Tanager) and a stunning male Cape May Warbler (in The Nighthawk Tree).

Western Spindalis (or Cabrero if you're Cuban). 

Cape May Warbler - YES!!

Later in the afternoon, after a meeting with 'The Wedding Organiser', the three of us (Lisa, my bins & I) went for a romantic stroll along the beach to a very romantic area that I had discovered last year. It just happens that this lovely spot is also good for birds but she wasn't to know that. In little over 45 minutes 'we' notched up 3+ Oriente Warblers, 2 Blackpolls, Palm Warbler, Black 'n' White Warbler, Yanky Redstart, Yellow Warbler, Yellow-rumped Warbler, Black-whiskered Vireo, Mourning Doves, White-winged Dove & a Cattle Egret. This was amazing, for me anyhow. I hadn't witnessed anything like this last year and it was obvious that the north coast where we were situated was experiencing a bit of a fall due to the shitty weather that we were having. This area of coastal scrub was doing it's best to impersonate Spurn and I was doing my best to impersonate a dude at Spurn (minus the Sco-Pac)!

April 27th was initially another dull, grey but hot day but the sun soon broke thru again. In the morning I visited the 'Eco-Marsh' - This is basically a fresh water nature reserve (supplemented purely by rain I believe) about 50 yards inland from the sea. It's surrounded by tall trees and scrub and has patches of reeds and dead wood and stuff. It has a long bridge that spans the lagoon and it's this bridge where you scan from. I only had about 50 minutes this particular morning but the list of sightings included Cuban Emerald, 3 Green Herons, 2 Tri-coloured Herons, 7 Black-necked Stilts, 3 Spotted Sands, single Lesser & Greater Yellowlegs, Great (white) Egret, Snowy Egret, Little Blue Heron, (Black crowned) Night Heron, Common Yellowthroat & Tawny-shouldered Blackbird. Twitchwell Marsh eat ya fucking heart out!

Eco-Marsh & Tri-coloured Heron

 Today was also the day our other wedding guests arrived including MIKIPEDIA!

Mikipedia arrives...

....and can't wait to get stuck in!

To be continued...






Cuba 2012 - Part one.

I've been meaning to do this for a while but kept putting it off. However, an extreme lack of decent birds in the UK leads me to be sat here on a Sunday morning, bored, hungover and preparing to scribe what you'll eventually end up reading; if you're lucky! Ok, there are a few decent bits about at the minute but they're either too far away (and too regular to even think about traipsing over to west Wales for) or just not rattling my passion.
So, this blog post. In 2011, I went to Cuba on a family holiday. It was basically a week of sunbathing, drinking, eating & perving with a very small dose of birding thrown in. Nothing hardcore, just a lazy meandering week of seeing what I could see where ever we happened to be. I notched up a small but interesting list of species, many that were new for me, a few endemics and an handful of familiar ones that I'd witnessed previously in Britain. On returning from Cuba, I was immediately hit with P.H.D (Post holiday depression) and one evening, after about a week or so, I happened to mention to my fiancée that I wanted to return to Cuba in 2012. I wasn't expecting the thundering volley of a reply that returned and hit me square in my ears - ''Yeh we can go, only if we get married over there!''.
Now I may have been on one of my regular rouge juice consumption missions that evening, I'd probably been perusing my holiday snaps with a desperate desire to return to the Caribbean, relishing the thought of lounging on those gorgeous white sands, frolicking in the crystal clear warm sea, sipping too many rum based cocktails... I'd have done anything to go back and that was made more evident by my unexpected (to me & her) riposte. ''Ok, yeh, let's do it!''. Now, anyone who has known me for a long time (pre-2008) will tell you that I was one of those small minded individuals (some might say I still am...) that never wanted to settle down, never buy a house, never have a pet and certainly not get married! But, here I was, in summer 2011, sitting in the house I own, with a pet hamster, agreeing to tie the knot! What was I doing! Something was insidiously wrong, surely!
However with the second bottle of rouge juice inevitably opened and the 'wife to be' instantly nabbing my laptop to start showing me wedding ideas, I recall kicking back, feet on the coffee table, hands behind my head and with a inner smile, I closed my eyes and let my brain seduce me into that Caribbean paradise that I now knew I was definitely gonna see again.

April 25th 2012. We're were at Manchester airport, about to board the plane to Cuba. Destination - Holguin airport on the NE bit of the island. I have a massive fear of flying. Not flying like Superman, cos that'd be mint, but sitting on a metal tube with wings whilst it spanks it across the vast Atlantic ocean at about 600mph at a height of over seven miles. But even this wasn't going to stop me, I'd mentally prepared myself for the journey by combining the thoughts of the paradise I was heading to with a few healthy glugs of scotch and a generic calming remedy that can be obtained from all good chemists. At this point, I can honestly say that the forthcoming wedding couldn't have been further from my thoughts. The weather in Manchester was grim. heavy rain and wind, a far cry from the melting sun and glorious blue skies that would be waiting for me at the conclusion of my nine hour journey. It was 9.40am. Most folk in the UK were already hard at work. By the time that some of them finish their day to day routines, I would be there...

San Salvador - 40 minutes to destination.

We arrived at Holguin at 7.40pm (UK time). In Cuba it was only 2.40pm and we had the rest of the day in front of us. The weather wasn't exactly mega but it was hot and the sun was trying to shine thru the huge dark clouds which hung in the sky like those horrible Dementors off of Harry Potter. Collecting our gear, we boarded the coach for the hour long drive to our resort.
En-route, I began to once again become acquainted with the familiar birds of the island. I counted 32 Turkey Vultures before it struck home that my final tally could be in the thousands, so I stopped looking at them. They are absolutely everywhere. It is solid fact that whenever you glance at the sky in Cuba, you WILL see a Turkey Vulture (except at night of course).

Turkey Vulture - number 14,562

A few Northern Mockingbirds and Red-legged Thrushes were noted, a single Cuban Blackbird and 22 Cattle Egrets.
At 4.55pm we arrived at our destination - Playa Pesquero. I was here. I felt at home. Cuba 2012. It had begun.