So, six months have past since I last tapped some keys and posted some anal bullshit on this blog eh?
I hope most who read this won't give a fuck for why it's been so long but convexly I hold close some shimmering desire that one or two close sycophants may have longed for me to scribe, like an alcoholic who lives next door to an off-licence or a reformed smoker living with a 20 a day partner, what you crave is so near yet you cannot have it, you sharn't, it will destroy you, it will finish you off they said!
Anyway, enough of that, let's get down to business.
I've been intending to post some sort of blog post for a while now, in fact, I wanted to blog something every time I bagged a new bird there's so many idiots doing it nowadays that blogging about ones sightings is the equivalent of texting your mates every night & telling them 'It's dark'. After a while it gets boring, reading the same old bollocks after EVERY twitch about how ya got up at 6am and picked Franky & Gordon up, ya travelled 357 miles via a well known coffee outlet on the M6, ya rocked up and stood about for 49 minutes then 'BOOM'(?) there it was, you stared at it, slapped each other around the face with ya cocks then drove home. Granted, if something proper decent happened whilst out an about then yeh, tell us, I mean, if you had a proper snazzy car crash and some blokes head came off & landed in Garry's lap (and it still had some prawn cocktail crisps in its mouth) then tell us but rolling out the same mundane repetitive dogshit is such pointless. Oh, and another thing, these 'bird bloggers' who for some spurious reason post past records of the particular species beneath their blog posts... Why?? If we're reading your blog, it obviously means we've got some Internet stuff so we certainly don't need you to be boring us with past sightings, if we want to know that sort of shit, we'll look on RBA or some other money grabbing site.
Ok, so, since you last read this bollocks, I've added three glorious species to my ever increasing Notts list (Melodious Warbler, Glossy Ibis & Pied Wheatear), I've knocked down some walls in the garden & built some new ones, my amazing dog, Chief Brody, has got bigger and smashed some stuff & I'm now the proud owner of a 3 month old baby girl called Isabela Oriole, the latter being the principle factor behind my british list not increasing at all. Putting it bluntly, I have missed every single fucking new bird this autumn, every single last one (apart from those in Notts). Now, my desire to see new birds for that silly british list ain't diminished and neither has my passion for traversing the UK with a posse of like minded fools. It's when ya get there that drains my positiveness, the freaks who nowadays frequent these events, ya know thems that think it's fucking uber cool to ponce about with a fucking ridiculous turquoise bandanna wrapped around their melon shaped head or them that rattle on about their latest fourteen week holiday in Costa Rica for 45 minutes and then yell ''Can someone tell me where the bird is currently?''. As I type away, there's a Orphean Warbler in SW Wales. I could go and look at it tomorrow if I so desire. I could then add it to my BOU list on Bubo. I could then arrive home and ponder what else I could have done with my Sunday. I could, I really could...but I probably wont.
I'm bored now so I'm gonna go. I know when I've posted this there'll be many things that I'll remember that I was meant to say but they'll save. S'pose it'll give me cause to come back later. I won't leave it so long next time Tom.
